1/16/09
For Immediate Release
ABC Real Estate
123 Creative Way, Logan UT 84341
801-555-4567
Real Estate Company Reveals Patented System
ABC Real Estate looking for investors to particpate in beneficiary- directed equity holding land trusts
LOGAN, Utah—A new company, ABC Real Estate, is launching its patent pending business strategy in Cache Valley for interested investors.
This business plan benefits all parties involved by placing the seller’s home in a trust. Interested investors are required to pay a minimum initial investment. The program has a 99 percent success rate in Salt Lake City where its been in operation for the past seven years. It benefits sellers who cannot sell, and buyers who cannot buy. “This business model will work in any type of market”, says Preston Parker, company CEO. “I am excited to introduce this model in Cache Valley and solve some real estate problems these people are facing.”
Matt Frandsen, Director of Public Relations
mattprdirector@email.com
801-555-8934
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You have some good information. I think since this is supposed to be directed to investors you should talk more about what the investors get out of it, how it benefits them, and focus less on the other beneficiaries. Just a thought!
ReplyDeleteGreat start. I like your information. My only suggestion would be to tighten up the language a little and really focus on who your target audience is, and then right for their needs. I think you have a good handle on this assignment.
ReplyDeleteReally good quotes. I thought that the very beginning two sentences were worded in a way that is boring. Strategy isn't all the interesting, especially if you don't know what it is...
ReplyDeleteI thought as a whole, is runs somewhat smoothly, but jumbled in some places. Your style writing is interest. But it could all have to do with 15 mins. to do it all!
Good job
I enjoyed the way you explained how the company works. Next step would be to address the investors, how they get involved and why would they want to. Watch your flow. Good start.
ReplyDelete